Early Days?

And of course, it all endly badly last night!

I was just getting into bed, having just emptied the bag when suddenly it seemed to refill quite quickly and then burst, making a mess everywhere. I was really shocked - it seemed to happen from nowhere with no warning. But of course I buckled down and re-did the bag.

It waas only when I got back into bed that I got really hit by the glums and burst in to tears. I mean - in less than 2 months I expect to be back doing my new, highly pressured, very active job. I need to be able to rely on the bag absolutely - and I don't feel I can at the moment. I think that, combined with the fact that day had tended to drag for the first time as it had gone on, just got to me.

I rang J and she was great at just listening to me - and really agreeing that this is not good enough. We decided that I should talk to Mr Bain next week about the possibility of being reconnected before the chemo - as far as I understand it, there's no particularly strong medical reason why they shouldn't ( in fact I know of two other patients with similar conditions while I was in who were reconnected - or indeed, in one case, never disconnected. I seem to recall Mr Bain mentioning it himself as an option back in December) - it's just that reconnection-as-the-last-bit tends to be the norm.

In the end I slept quite well ( a few audiobook chapters of The Da Vinci Code are a remarkable aid to sleep...) and woke up this morning feeling refreshed and having had no problems with the bag.

I spoke to Lynn, one of the Stoma Nurses later in the morning and she thought that it was probably a very slight adjustment to the bag template that Sue and I made yesterday that might have caused it. She suggested that I went back to the earlier template. Makes sense.

But she did say that it's "early days" still. Is it? It's not really feeling like that to me - 6 weeks post op? I know I've had a couple of setbacks but I don't feel that it's early days at all. Is that so wrong?

I've got J ( the other one) my counsellor coming over later this afternoon. Might try to talk about that with her.

Oh - and It's Never All Bad News is it? Just had three more poems published - this time on a website called Friends of The Heroes. They say they'll publish some more next week.

Now for my Poirot nap...