The Bad Bog Blog For Blokes with Bags!

I've been meaning to do this for ages. But a visit to a pub in Alnwick yesterday was the final straw.

Waiting

R&C went back this morning on the train. It was really nice having them here - but also nice to have my house back!

I'm feeling much better this afternoon but still a bit sore and restless. I was thinking last night - in many ways this is the worst bit of the whole thing so far. It's a sort of boring day by day thing - the only Big Events are weekly jabs and the counting down. And in the meantime I try to lead as normal a life as possible. But it's so tiring...

I'm trying to take it easy because I want to to be at my best for the trip to London with J tomorrow. I'm really looking forward to that - we're going to do loads of shopping ( I have a particular purchase in mind...) see my favourite band The National ( for the third time) and J is doing a reading in London on Thursday night.

I'll be lit up for that!

A Small Price To Pay

Felt a bit grim today - sick, tired and a bit irritable. But I had a long nap this afternoon and felt a lot better for it. Hopefully this'll ease off again tomorrow.

It's great having R&C here. The backyard is progressing well (although we won't be able to get the extra topsoil as planned) and as I type, they're out there mowing my front lawn! I also discovered that C had done all my ironing this morning er.. including my underwear. A small price to pay I suppose...

As are The Clancy Brothers And Tommy Makem. ( R is a fan..)

Chemo Seven

That's it for another week then. ( 7/24 - that's 29% ) As usual, done with a needle rather than a Pipette...

Talked a bit about the symptoms but nothing much to be done really. I think it's really just a case of pressing on.

The sun's finally come up for the weekend. R&C have finished in the yard for the day and are cooking my supper!

Under The Weather

Still wet......but occasional bright patches.

Like my week really.

The usual two days in Birmingham - I'm still trying to work out what I do for a living but at least I'm busier. And the Jury's Inn is much better than else in Brum so far. What also made it nice was a great chat with my nephew N - it was his third birthday. He enjoyed the ambulance I bought him.

But I felt a bit under the weather a lot of the time too. A bit sick and faint and with a sore mouth and the er..trots. I've got Chemo VII later this afternoon so I'll ask about that. If it stays at this level, it's manageable with work - but not if it gets much worse. I've got a week off next week ( arranged before I joined the firm - it's J's birthday) so I can take things a bit easier and also take stock.

My ex parents-in-law R&C arrived last night for a few days. Lovely to see them and as you can see they've already made a good start on doing my garden bed for me - in spite of the rain... (What can I do...)

Oh - and yesterday I went on my Speed Awarenwess Course which I was offered instead of taking three points for speeding last December. ( On my way to a Radiotherapy Appointment but that cut no ice...) A funny old morning (after all, none of us wanted to be there) but the course was well-run and quite informative.

I'll never do it again ;)

Wet

The rain just kept falling all day - and the forecast says it'll be like this all week. (The table seems to have acclimatised…) Finally stopped an hour or two back.

Could be what accounts for a feeling of sadness for most of today. It might well be the chemo actually - I've felt a bit sick and listless as well. Mouth sore.

Might also be the Day of Rockoning of course...

Worked from home but listlessly - although I did finish my List of course.

Then tonight out in Newcastle for Early Doors with K, (my former PA) at Bar Luga and then for something to eat at Zizzi. Nice to catch up and to talk to somebody who knows me well in a work context - helped me restore a sense of confidence in myself - a bit lacking at the moment.

( Hope the job interview goes well, K...)

Home now - and to bed. Up at the crack of dawn for the train to Birmingham again tomorrow.

Table!

I know - it's pretty sad isn't it? I really liked this garden table when I was looking around the garden centre near my mum's a few weeks back - so I bought it! A bit of negotiation over the delivery cost from Hereford to Durham ( 300 miles) but in the end it cost me no more than it would have done online.

While the sun was temporarily shining this morning, J and I ( with help from B and her daughter C next door ) assembled the table and I put two of the chairs together myself this afternoon - two more to go.

I think it looks great! I celebrated by determinedly having my lunch out there today, ignorning the slight drizzle...


Next garden jobs are next week when R&C my ex-parents-in -law are coming to stay for a few days. That's when the border behind the table gets sorted and those poor olive trees get repotted!

A lovely afternoon/evening with J yesterday - mostly putting together the first bits of the new piece she's writing. (It's brilliant.) Finding the right images and music can't be rushed but it's also great fun - and nice just to spend some proper time with her.

I started feeling a bit queasy in the afternoon yesterday which wasn't very pleasant - but of course, it was the day after my chemo so I should have expected it. But it eased though the evening and I feel fine today.

The rain's really coming down now - hope the table's OK...

Weekend!

Nah...I'll keep you guessing.

Except that those of you who've worked out how to find hidden secrets on this blog will know where to look now...

It weighed a ton and I shouldn't really have helped the delivery man bring it in but it was either that or wait till next week. I'll unwrap it tomorrow.

...Which is the weekend! I feel I've earned this one - a hard week at work in anyone's terms. Really looking forward to it - especially J coming over . In the meantime I've opened a bottle of wine and had a chinese takeaway to celebrate.

I know - shouldn't have takeaways with chemo but whathtehell. After all I've just had 6/24 - which is 1/4! It's moving along isn't it?

This Working Life...

Blimey! And people do this everyday...?

A long long work week which started with the trip down to Birmingham on Monday night and a two night stay at the Premier Apartments in Birmingham. After the shoebox they put me in last week this was certainly better - a nice proper flat with kitchen and all mod cons. It was probably a bit overpriced for what it was and a bit grubby ( rather worrying large dark stain in the middle of the bedroom carpet - it wasn't me, honest... ) but nice enough and an easy walk to work.

Where I had my first Board Meeting on Tuesday morning. Lots of giggling, smirking and besuited smugness ( 9 men 1 woman..) and I kept expecting Reginald Perrin to appear. But friendly enough - a lot of corporate bottom sniffing going on and of course, some testing out. But I survived. No - I did well actually.

Best quote from the meeting: " How do you plan to privilege your time across the Group…? " Any ideas what that means?

And I'm getting into the job more now - it appears that I've been put in charge of a loss making division and am seen as the Great Hope to dig them out of the clarts. The Chief Exec ( to whom I now report directly - my boss seems to have been moved sideways..) wants my recovery plan on Monday...

Waddever. Don't they know I'm ill? (Cough)

Back from Brum late on Wednesay and straight down to London for the day yesterday - not easy to drag myself out of bed at 5.00 am again I can tell you. The meeting I went for was something that normally I wouldn't have bothered with but it was a fairly junior member of staff meeting a senior person from a large client and I think she wanted some handholding. And it got me back into the swing of meetings.

A long sleep on the train back. I stayed on till Newcastle to get my haircut and to have the facial I'd promised myself ages ago. It was lovely - 2 hours of bliss. J who did it ( yes - another one!) was really nice and declared my elemental temperament to be Fire... Always a level of b*ll*cks in this stuff but I've booked another one. My skin is quite sore generally the moment at it certainly feels soothed this morning.

And so it's Friday! Loads of work to do at home - and then a visit from J to look forward to tomorrow. Chemo VI this afternoon ( I've changed the day) and then a visit to counsellor J just to check things out.

I know I'm working too hard - but I seem to be handling it at the moment. I get very tired but seem to be able to make up for it with more and deeper night-sleep.

No sign of the new table yet... I let you know. Should be today...

Bristol

Back last night from a lovely ( and surprisingly sunny) weekend in Bristol with my dad, M, his wife M and my sister S.

The flight on Friday was delayed for an hour because of bad weather ( hence my initial pessimism about the weather for the weekend) so when I got there about 10 there was only time to slug back some wine before toddling off to bed.

I slept and slept and slept and so by the time I surfaced and was breakfasted it was late morning. We drove into Bristol for a bit of shopping but mainly so that I could see the changes that have happened in the 30 years since I last really lived there. And of course, some are huge - whole swathes of the city centre completely different and some just the same. I suppose most cities are like that.

A quiet afternoon at their home becoming increasingly engrossed in the FA Cup Final. A great match. J rang later - nice to speak with her. We've not seen each other for a week and I do miss her. ( Should see her next weekend) She's off to Lindisfarne for a few days with some friends to concentrate on writing and relaxing - which she really needs.

Then in the evening out for a meal at The Hunter's Rest. Quite a nice setting ( once we'd got ourselves away from the hen party...) and the food was OK although I was beginning to flag a bit towards the end - tired and feeling a bit queasy. ( I love Bass but I don't think it likes me much at the moment...) It was great to chat with M and M and any conversational rocks were deftly and amiably avoided. A nice evening.

Sunday morning was another lie in and then twelve doors down the road to see my sister S ( see previous blog) and her partner J and their beautiful house - really nicely and tastefully refurbished. Three hours of coffee chat and catch up passed in no time at all before we ambled back down the road for Sunday lunch.

Then after a lovely family post lunch laze with the papers, it was suddenly all too soon ready to go and get my flight home.

The flight back was much better and I was home by 8 and in bed by 9!

A lovely weekend.

And chemo side effects? Well - the bag is working a bit more - I was up about 5 times with it last night. And I'm a bit tireder and feel a little more sick. But it all feels manageable at the moment.

Off to Brum for work again tonight - I think the accommodation should be better this time. And loads to do today - including awaiting The Arrival of My New Table! But I'll probably blog/brag about that seperately later...

Sister Sass on Sunday Morning

Sister Sass on Sunday
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi.

They obviously put some weird stuff in the coffee in Bristol....

Feast or Famine...

...with this blog isn't it? After yesterday's marathon blog and day, both will be shorter tonight.

Tried to get the laptop and other teccy stuff set up in what will be my new home office today. Of course the inevitable problems and long converations with helpful young blokes from the IT Department. Nearly there now.

And of course, this afternoon, Chemo V with the new higher dose! ( That's 5/24 or 21% ) We'll have to see what the side effects are like...

And that's it for today. I just feel weary - an early night for sure.

Flying down to Bristol for the weekend tomorrow evening to stay with my dad and his wife M and see my step/sister S. Looking forward to that.

Once I've done a day's work, that is...

Senior Moments

Funny old two days in Birmingham.

The train down was crowded and uncomfortable. I might start paying the first class premium myself ( until I can charge it to projects…) - it would be worth it for the comfort and space .

And at work, I begin to get the flavour of the place - curiously hierarchical and formal under a guise of informality. ( I get a bigger TFT computer screen because I'm more senior…) It also was good to see P again - an old colleague from LSDA days who's been with them for about a year so he gave me a more warts and all induction...The IT support seems very good - I now have a new laptop and printer for my home office. Just need a desk now - that should arrive at home in the next few days

One of the things I noticed though was that I didn't eat enough - I felt faint and weak late morning yesterday. Just too much to do - and not sure where or what to eat. I must get more disciplined at that and with drinking more fluids. I think I was better today - took a bottle of water and some bananas in.

But when I did get out at lunchtime I began to explore the the centre of Brum. It's great - I could spend hours there. So many shops - so little time...

After work - to my hotel. The nitenite hotel - really! It's one of those new japanese-style minimalist ( ie: small - well, you can see ) hotel concepts - a small box with no windows but a HUGE plasma telly instead - mostly showing CCTV views of outside the hotel. Bizarre. It was actually surprisingly comfortable ( and the staff were friendly and helpful but undertrained) but not my thing - just too claustrophobic. It's how I imagine an open prison would be. I kept wondering what time Slopping Out was...

Maybe I'm just getting too old? Or too senior..?

But, interestingly ( for me anyway - this my blog after all!) when I had to change my baseplate when I got there (no emergency - it just needed doing) the process of doing it was strangely calming. You can't rush it at all - things must be done in order. It takes as long as it takes. A kinda Stoma Karma…

Then a nice ( but rushed ) Pizza Hut meal before the Josh Ritter gig. He's someone whose music I've liked for the last couple of years and I've been waiting to see him live. So when I saw he was beginning his Britsh tour in Birmingham, things came together.

The venue was the Glee Club - hidden away between Birmingham's gay and Chinese quarters. It took ages to find. In a funny way it reminded me of the pub I went to in Belfast to see Tom Russell last year - a huge seated semi circle - with an equally huge bar at the edge. The same intimate clubby atmosphere but not as working class as Belfast. And the Ormeau Road is neither gay nor Chinese. As far as I know.

erm....Moving swiftly on.

The support was called Nicolai Dunger - a singer songwriter. Plainly very talented but self indulgent and probably stoned. At one point he asked the audience "How long have I been on?" and ( bless them ) no-one shouted " Too long!" but it was tempting. It really contrasted with the treatment Sons and Daughters got last week at the Morrissey Gig.

Josh himself was class. Exuberant, articulate and engaging - with a really tight backing band.

Hard to explain what he's like. Sometimes the songs sound like a sexy Paul Simon without the archness (and certainly without Art) - at others he's like Bob Dylan in 1963 if His Bobness had stuck with rock and roll.The voice really reminds me of Steve Forbert (Now, whatever happened to him?)

But of course, he's actually unique - I don't know why we (I) feel this need to Compare and Contrast artists.

Anyway it was a great gig. He thought so too - kept muttering "Awesome..." and I think he meant it from the grin on his face. And he played the same Telecaster as moi...

I limped back to my cell ( it had been a very long day) and fell asleep at once.

Today has been quieter - just a few internal introductory meetings. It got painfully slow in the afternoon but I felt I should be seen to be there for the full day. I'm just beginning to realise how much I'm going to have to manage my own induction though - maybe that's the price of the bigger computer screen?

Back very late tonight - my train was delayed for an hour. That's probably why I've gone on a bit tonight - most of this was written as I watched the sun set over Northallerton. Supper was the last sandwich on the train.

Hey ho - maybe I am getting more philosophical as I get more Senior...

Very tired now - lots to do tomorrow.

nitenite xx

Birmingham Bound

On the train to Brum again - another early start. The feeling of deja vue from my regular trips for my old job was increased by the fact that this (which will be my regular) train is just before before the one I always used to get to London!

I think I'm going to be playing musical seats all the way though as I was too late to get a seat reservation.

Saw Dr Coxon the Chemo Consultant yesterday. I told her about the fatigue, which she noted in a to-be-expected way. Generally they're pleased with how I'm tolerating the treatment although my white blood cell count is a bit on the low side. This affects my ability to fight infection I think but they're not worried about it at the moment.

Indeed they're so not-worried that when I mentioned about leaving the Photography Course early because the tutor had a cold, she said that that was probably not necessary as colds are not the kind of infection they worry about...( I thought they were - need to clarify that.)

Anyway they're going to increase my dose from 375 to 425 (mls I assume) which means the treatment will finish in the promised 24 weeks. If I can tolerate 475 then that would shorten the treatment even further but of course the side effects could be worse. They'll see how I do with this increase first and then review it all in a month.

This train is still only just past York - 2 hours to go. Time for a nap I think...

Fatigue

I was just looking back at my recent blogs. They all mention tiredness don't they? And today it's been the same - a good night's sleep and a quiet morning but by early afternoon I got really tired. I should have rested but I tried to work though it by planting a few Bizzy Lizzies and clearing my spare room to use as a work study. But it caught me in the end and just had to sit down for a while.

I got a second wind for a couple of hours but now I'm exhausted again. This is the chemo fatigue I'm sure - it feels different from ordinary tiredness. I've got a chemo review appointment with Dr Coxon tomorrow - I'll mention it to her.

Taking Stock

Baseplate changed - that's better. Sitting here with a glass of sherry. Aids digestion you know...

Blimey! It's been a long week and I'm exhausted. I think I'll have my supper and another early night and no setting of the alarm clock for tomorrow - after all it is Sunday!

But heh - I saw Morrissey this week. I saw my family. I started a new job. I did a course. ( Well - half of one!)

Not bad, given the circumstances..

Here are some of the best images from the week. And the whole lot here.

As I said ealier in the week, Morrissey was great - J and I really enjoyed it. But a high proportion of the audience had come to see Old Morrissey do Smith's hits - and were disappointed when he didn't. The support band Sons and Daughters were good ( I bought their CD a couple of days ago and it's grown on me) - but they were treated even more rudely. " Hurry up and f*ck off!" was one of the nicer things heckled at them. I felt embarassed - wanted to apologise. Which I'll do here anyway. Geordies don't do themselves any favours sometimes.

Lovely to see many of my family - and those that I didn't see this week in Herefordshire, I'll see next weekend in Bristol. My nephew N is class isn't he? ( Have to confess that my brother A took this picture…) - SO full of energy! I MUST find a way to get down to Weybridge and meet his little brother for the first time.

And the new job - I think that'll need much more blogging another time. But they seem nice people and the job feels hard but not daunting. It''s more an issue as to whether my strength holds up.

And of course, all week J was there. On the phone. On email. On Skype. At my house.

She's got a hard week coming up too, poor sweetie

{ HUG }

Saturday

A lovely evening last night with J. We went out for a meal at The Seven Stars which we haven't been to for a while. We both thought that the food wasn't quite as good as it used to be - but mainly it was just a nice chance to catch up and chat.

Then back to mine to watch some Green Wing. First time I'd seen it, but I thought it was great. I have a horrible feeling that hospitals really are like this!

An earlish night and I slept reasonably but I had leg cramps and my stoma site was sore - still is really. I think Iwas just a bit careless putting it on and it's leaked a bit under the baseplate. I'll have a bath and change it tonight.

Then today, J went into Newcastle to meet a friend for coffee and I went to Newcastle City Library for an Introduction to Digital Photography Course run by Tyneside Cinema. I know a fair amount about digital photography and I take fairly good pictures but I thought it would be useful to be taught about it from scratch. And it was - the tutor Zoe was very good ( although a three hour morning session without a break was bit too much!) and I understand lots more about the basics of photography than I did before. The thing is though - she had a streaming cold and I got more and more anxious about as the morning progressed. With the chemo knocking out my immune system, I'm really susceptible to infections and could end up in hospital. So I left at lunchtime. A shame but nothing else to be done.

And to be honest, I was getting tired and that's got worse through the afternoon. Going to take it very easy for the rest of the day.

One Sixth!

Back from my travels - and, yet again, exhausted! Not surprising really. I think I am doing a bit too much.

Drove in from mum's to work in Birmingham this morning. Fine until I got to within about a mile and then the satnav got confused by all the one-way streets . I ended up in a multistorey about 20 mins walk away after a journey of 2 1/2 hours! ( Should have taken half that.)

Actually a quietish morning there with a few short introduction meetings and I managed to get away at midday. A hot, sore, boring, but fairly quick drive back to Durham got me to Chemo IV in plenty of time.

Thats 4/24 or 1/6th of the whole!

I'll do a longer blog at the weekend. Bed now.

Work!

Another brief blog - this time from the train between Birmingham and my mum's.

My first day at work for more than 3 months and my first new job for nearly 10 years. No wonder I'm exhausted - or is that the little matter of the chemotherapy...?

It went well. People were nice and helpful and supportive and I didn't feel out of my depth. But it's going to be busy and that's what I'm going to have to watch - not taking on too much until I'm sure I can manage it.

Anyway - I did it.And I have to do it all over again tomorrow. So tonight a nap on the train, a bath (I do ache quite a lot but no pain) and tea, a call to J and another early night!

Thanks to everyone for your good wishes for today - they worked.

Quick Update

I'm on my mum's very slow dial up PC so this 'll have to be short - I'll update later.

A great Morrissey gig with J on Sunday although a large portion of the audience obviously wanted Old Moz and when they didn't get him ( or an encore) they didn't like it.

And told him so.

" You fat Tory bastard...!" they heckled. hmmm. More about that some time.

An easy drive to Hereford yesterday and a fun afternoon in the sunshine with my nephew N ( nearly 3)when I got here

Today, a qiet day at mum's before starting work in Birmingham tomorrow. Looking forward to it - but, of course, nervous.

More when I can.