The Ileostomist

So - a trek out in the snow this morning to Chester Le Street to see Denise the Stoma Nurse. Like everyone else so far, friendly, knowledgeable and helpful - and giving me as much time as I wanted with my questions.

I won't go into too many details here - the link I put up a couple of days ago explains the practicalities of it all. ( Yes - you do still get wind. Just comes from a different place...)

And the operation is actually an ileostomy - not a colostomy - depends where they link into the bowel apparently. So - I will go from Apologist to Ileostomist.

Two real reactions - one was just the raw factuality of it. The surgeons do this for this reason. This will happen. Most people take to it fairly easily. We're here to help - and will visit you at home. Avoid nuts and sweetcorn. Bananas are good. That was all very clear but it brings it home to me that it's my innards that we're discussing.

The other feeling is of reassurance. They won't let me out of hospital till they're sure I can cope with it ( she says 10 -14 days as opposed to 8-10 from the consultant) - oh and the impotence thing is unusual.

I do feel wobbly today though - partly this cold. Partly not sleeping well. Mostly the inevitability of it all.

I was saying to J the other day that for me this cancer is still all part of living - it's not like I can opt out of it or take a detour round it. I'll still be me during it and ( although of course it will change me) me after it. No choice.

Doesn't always mean I like that.