The Beige and The Blue.

MRI

I now know that it stands for:

Magnetic Resource Imaging

But on my terms it's a scary beige tunnel in a mobile unit in the car park of The Hospital.


Had to lie perfectly still for 30 minutes while the thing buzzed and whirred - really claustrophobic. ( " Ruby - Don't take your love to town " played in the headphones didn't help...) Hell may be like that.

Reminded me of caving Aged 11 – stuck in some sludge hole. Believing I was trapped forever. A human fossil..

Aged 11 I cried.

Today I can’t. Yet. But I am very scared.

In that beige tube I tried to meditate but it was horrible when I opened my eyes – the way the roof pressed down – I nearly pushed the panic button.

But of course I didn't.

It was fine and the two technicians were really nice.

( How do I do this blog? Lots more to tell and say but I don't know what. I need to find a language for this. Understand the rules. Make some up? )

and then this evening - music. This came on. A recent download ( so sue me!) from John Darnielle of The Mountain Goats. I played it over and over again. It was beautiful:

original air-blue gown.

rain all burned away
the horseflies are an irridescent green
plums boiled down to pulp
drying on a screen

bright red air inside the house here
i can barely draw breath
dark blue shapes popped behind my eyelids
i am not afraid of death

and on the television
black and white footage of the young Cassius clay
my god, my god, my god
he was something

fists flashing as he comes toward the screen
sailing headlong into nothing
and disappearing
reappearing
out there in the clearing
floating down the slight breeze
that plays along the edge of the leaves
it's you.
it's you.
it's you.


As I say - there'll always be music.

( Oh - and the quest for The Perfect Interior Decor..)