Blogging from my ipaq tonight - it's def the powercable that's gone on my broadband router. Have to order a new one from Belkin in the morning. Hope this works.
Bit low tonight - earlier I described it to J as like walking into the sea. I can feel the water lapping around my ankles - soon it'll be my legs, waist etc. Up to my neck in it. Out of my depth. You get my drift.
I feel like I'm just watching the water rise - just standing there with a sort of numb fascination. Feeling there's something I should be doing about it ( Running away? Diving in? Calling for help? Waiting for the tide to turn? ) but actually just paralysed. I suppose we all have to face the inevitable in our own way. Not drowning but waving.
There's a really good image for this on my kitchen wall - from a calendar that I bought from Kalle, one of the Finnish Poets a month or so ago. (You'll have to look back for the posting - remember I'm not online tonight. Amazing how much I rely on the internet/ connectivity for stuff! ) Done by Katri Niinikangas. A figure by the edge of some water. Class. I'll see if I can get the picture tomorrow and post it anyway.
(Later) Maybe the better analogy is about walking into a river - this cancer thing is a crossing - there's dry land on the other side. Water will close in over me but people will keep me afloat - I'll swim if I can. But my feet will touch bottom (sic) again.
Just look out for the currents eh?
Bollocks. I'm off to bed.
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