Routine

I saw Mr Bain my consultant again this afternoon - a routine check after the hernia op. He says that all is well but that I can't start back running for another six weeks and it's another three months before I can go to the gym! I can see Alfie getting some very long very brisk walks...

He took blood today to test my CEA markers ( they were fine last time) - my next routine investigation will be a colonoscopy in July (picolax again!) and then another appointment with him in the autumn. ( Oh - and he says that aspirin is a good idea)

It's going to be this sort of routine for the next four years. That's OK - but I always feel low after these visits. It's the feeling of being snared I think.

Awaydays

Mum and Alfie
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

A lovely few days away with my mum and G in Hereford. Always a few family worries and sadneses but we laugh through most of them. Alfie was a big hit (and very well behaved) - seen here trying to drive off with mum...

I drove back via J's last night nd we had a great afternoon sorting technology. Then a pub meal and DVD. Today I had to put Alfie back in the kennels as I'm away with work a couple of times this week : (

The other main highlight this week is my check up with Mr Bain on Wednesday. I've got a few questions to ask but generally I think he'll be pleased how things are going.

Good to be home

The trip away went fairly well - but I did find it even more tiring than I'd imagined. The problem was lugging the overnight bag on and off trains - it wasn't that heavy but was awkward and made me feel vulnerable in case I hurt myelf. And if the scar wasn't hurting the other soreness came on… In the end I decided to get taxis everywhere - it cost me a small fortune but was easier in ( and on..) the end...

But of course, I also met up with J in London and we had a great night seeing The National and a bit of time on Oxford Street before I had to go into work on Wednesday morning. That made it all worth while.

And today I was up early working so that I could pick up Alfie from the kennels when they opened. Going to see my mum in Hereford this weekend so I want to leave at lunchtime tomorrow - that's meant a harder work day but worth it.

Tonight out for a nice meal with S & A to celebrate my photo sale.

Back

I took Alfie back to the kennels this afternoon - both of us are going to be away from home after 3 1/2 weeks together. It's been great having him here all that time - he's settled a lot more and ( as much as one can) I think I understand a bit more how he thinks. He's quite a nervous dog really - but SO affectionate. Getting him is definitely one of the good things I've done. I pick him up again on Thursday morning after my trip away.

I've been feeling quite nervous all day about the trip to Birmingham and London tomorrow. I'm sure it'll be fine. And I get to see J in London tomorrow night as we've got tickets to see The National.

Sold!

Summer Flowers
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi.

When we turned up yesterday afternoon to take the exhibition down, it was S's daughter A who noticed that one of my photos ( this one) had gone. Quickly discounting theft we discovered that yes, it had indeed been sold, to a real bona fide buyer. I'm really chuffed - and grateful to S for sharing her space with me. ( She's found us another place to exhibit - starting next month as well!)

J over last night - a lovely evening catching up and watching DVDs. And today I'm trying to forget that work begins again tomorrow - my first trip away on Tuesday for five weeks - Birmingham and London.

Still feeling pretty good in myself and desperately trying to resist the temptation to do too much...

End Of The Week...

...and I'm exhausted!

But actually it has felt good to be back working - to be proactive. Not that it's been easy - why is it you always remember the good bits with work and forget that most of it is routine hijacked by moments of blind panic - and, if you're lucky, occasional illumination?

Healthwise things are better - I can go huge stretches of the day and forget completely about the scar - and Alfie and I have done a two mile walk every day bar one for the last eighteen days. So I am getting better finally. That feels good to say.

And now it's Friday evening, I've had my kebab, I'm on my second beer and World of Warcraft beckons. ( Level 27 might even be possible tonight)

Spag Bog

As J is currently in Bologna with work, I decided to make myself Spaghetti Bolognese last night - a sort of holding hands across the pasta thing...

Mistake.

Something in it didn't agree with me. A definite stress on the bog part today....

Bump

Sunday night
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi.

Sunday night and all is well. A quiet day at home and a walk with Alfie this afternoon.

I'm going to start back to work properly tomorrow - working from home Monday and Tuesday and a there-and-back to Essex on Wednesday. See how I go.

I know I'm not fully sorted yet, but things are much much better and I think I can be sensible enough to pull back if I feel it's too much. (Yeah.... ed)

Feels a bit scary though - like there's a small bump in the road ahead. Easy really - but just a chance I could trip over it.

Tagged

Apologies to everyone who was Tagged by me earlier - the system went mad with my address book without me realising and I've had a few bemused replies. I've also heard from a few people who I thought I'd lost touch with so it's not all bad. But please feel free to ignore it if you get one.

At The Bottom Of Everything

Regular readers will know that music is and has been really important to me throughout this whole thing but that every now and again I come across a song that really says something to me. This is one of those - from the magnificent Bright Eyes:

So there was this woman and

she was on an airplane and

she's flying to meet her fiancé

sailing high above the largest ocean

on planet earth and she was seated

next to this man who you know

she had tried to start conversation with

but really the only thing

she heard him say was to order his bloody mary

and she's sitting there and she's reading

this really arduous magazine article about this

third world country that she couldn't

even pronounce the name of and

she's feeling very bored and very despondent

and then suddenly there's this huge mechanical failure and one of the engines gave out

and they started just falling thirty thousand feet

and the pilots on the microphone and he's saying,

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Oh My God, I'm Sorry"

and apologizing and she looks at the man and she says,

"Where are we going?" and he looks at her and he says,

"We're going to a party, it's a birthday party.

It's your birthday party, happy birthday darling.

We love you very, very, very, very, very, very, very much."

And then he starts humming this little tune and it kind of goes like this:

One, Two, One, Two, Three, Four

We must talk in every telephone, get eaten off the web

We must rip out all the epilogues from the books we have read

And to the face of every criminal strapped firmly to a chair

We must stare, we must stare, we must stare.

We must take all of the medicines too expensive now to sell

Set fire to the preacher who is promising us hell

And in the ear of every anarchist that sleeps but doesn't dream

We must sing, we must sing, we must sing.

And it'll go like this

While my mother waters plants my father loads his gun.

He says, "Death will give us back to God,

just like the setting sun

is returned to the lonesome ocean."

And then they splashed into the deep blue sea.

It was a wonderful splash.

We must blend into the choir, sing as static with the whole,

We must memorize nine numbers and deny we have a soul,

And to this endless race for property and privilege to be won

We must run, we must run, we must run.

We must hang up in the belfry where the bats in moonlight laugh

We must stare into a crystal ball and only see the past

And in the caverns of tomorrow with our flashlights and our love

We must plunge, we must plunge, we must plunge.

And then we'll get down there,

way down to the very bottom of everything

and then we'll see it, oh we'll see it, we'll see it, we'll see it.

Oh my morning's coming back

The whole world's waking up

Oh the city bus is swimming past.

I'm happy just because

I found out I am really no one.

Good Things

• My massage last night - felt great afterwards

• My kebab afterwards - good in a bad way...

• Aspirin
  

Moving Forward

A progressive couple of days - the longer walks and stretches seem to help the discomfort ( now relegated to a feeling of indigestion - but in my groin - if that makes sense) and I'm picking up a bit of stuff for work via email. If all goes well, I'll go back to work fully next week and even try a day trip to London if I feel up to it.

And I'm beginning to think about moving! I've been here three and a half years now and although I love the house, the village isn't so great. I don't always feel entirely safe when I'm out and about, there's no good pub in walking distance and I just want to be more in Durham.

So I'm on the lookout for a house. I saw this one yesterday - it's the sort of thing I'm after I think. Will see the building society this week to see how much I can afford.

Footloose

After a day where I felt bored and sore and frustrated with my lack of progress, I decided to take Alfie for a walk at about 5.00pm. We drove to the Country Park and as we got out of the car, it started to rain. Deciding that this was typical for how my day was going I decided to press on.

I'm so glad I did. The sun came out, I picked up my pace and walked a full two miles - trying just to gently stretch a little. It really worked - I've come home now feeling a good deal less sore, more flexible and definitely better in myself.

Not Easy

You know - in many ways, this is one of the hardest parts of the Whole Thing. The bit where I can't DO anything - I just have to rest and wait. I mean - give me something to do, a target to hit, a goal - and I'll do it.

But this time I have to wait, be slow. Take it easy.

Easy is hard, you know...

Pictures at an Exhibition

A nice morning with S & A putting the paintings, prints and photos up at the Botanic Gardens where they'll be for the next fortnight.

They were great with helping me with the lifting - all I had to do was buy the tea!

Feeling pretty good today - the soreness is still there but it's not worrying and I can get about OK.

And a Bank Holiday tomorrow! ( Hey - you're off sick anyway! - ed)

One Step Back

I've just been to see the doctor. I had another sore night last night and so I just wanted him to check me over before I started travelling with work next week.

He says that everything seems fine but it's all still very swollen under the surface so he's not surprised it's sore. He strongly advised me against travelling ( it's the bag carrying really he says) and has signed me off work for another week.

Of course it's sensible and I'll do as I'm told. But it's also very frustrating and I can't help feeling I'm letting people down. But that's just me I suppose.

Levelling...

Ironically, on the night I got to Level 20 in World of Warcraft ( previous blogs refer...) there was this item on the news...

But levelling seems to be a theme so far this week. I'm taking it very easy this week - just checking and sorting emails. No trips away ( Alfie is delighted) and just concentrating on getting better. It was a good day yesterday but last night I slept on my side and woke up very sore. ( This morning it feels like I've been kicked!) Nothing serious but it does show me how careful I have to continue to be. ( Reminder to self: Op was only two weeks ago today...)