Cancerblog A Moi

A Sign of Hope

2012-01-06T11:41:00.001Z

Day 6 - A Sign of Hope, a photo by Menage a Moi on Flickr.

Happy New year! :-)

Day 342 - Year 6

2011-12-08T14:04:00.001Z

Day 342 - Year 6, a photo by Menage a Moi on Flickr.

The sixth anniversary of my diagnosis. Thinking of those who weren't s lucky as me....

The Reports of My Demise....

2011-11-05T13:15:00.009Z

No - this isn't me. It's a guy called Adrian Dewey who did the Vatternrundan with me over the summer. Adrian was the same age as me - and like me, was recovering from cancer. Unfortunately he had a recurrence of his Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma in August and he died last week. My sympathies to his family - Adrian and I chatted on the ride a couple of times as we were amongst the oldest and slowest in our group! He was a nice guy. Cancer sucks.

The other upsetting thing that happened was that one of the other guys on the ride mistook Adrian for me ( you can see the resemblance) and thought I'd died! He wrote the following:

"He was a lovely bloke and was so overjoyed with his achievement that he was taking pictures left right and centre. I think we can say that he brought something to our lives, but am equally certain that we accompanied him on one of the absolute highlights of his life, too. So I guess we get a pat on the back for that... "

When I first read this I was furious that someone could be so crass and stupid (he has since apologised) but I also felt invaded in a way. Someone I hardly knew had chosen to do this assessment of me and my life. How dare he?!

I've calmed down a bit now and can accept that it was a mistake. But it has made me think about how I would want to be remembered. Hopefully this won't be for a long while and for something more than this....

Breakfast Show!

2011-09-12T16:55:00.001+01:00

Day 255 - Breakfast Show!, a photo by Menage a Moi on Flickr.

Up early to do an interview on BBC Radio Tees about the latest Beating Bowel Cancer campaign. Thanks to reporter Katie Cole for agreeing to be in my SP :-)

Day 169 - Personal Best!

2011-06-20T15:30:00.002+01:00

Day 169 - Personal Best!, a photo by Menage a Moi on Flickr.

And - some five and a half years after my diagnosis, I rode The Vatternrundan! :-)

Newspaper Cutting!

2011-05-25T19:32:00.001+01:00

Newspaper Cutting! , a photo by Menage a Moi on Flickr.

:-)

Discharged!

2010-12-15T17:04:00.004Z

So - almost 5 years to the day from my diagnosis, I went to the hospital today and got my Discharge Letter! Of course there will still be 3-yearly colonoscopies but that's only what any person over 50 should have.

And yes - I feel suddenly lighter.

Too many people to thank individually for their help, love and support over the last 5 years but I must mention three:

Mr Bain - my amazing, bluff bright tender and talented surgeon.

Jo - my dear dear friend who has been with me through all of this.

and

My mum Jean who sadly didn't live to see today - but I know somewhere she's smiling..

xxx

A Life Less Ordinary

2010-12-08T14:15:00.001Z

Day 342 - A Life Less Ordinary
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

On this day five years ago I was told I had bowel cancer. The following year was one of the most difficult of my life as I underwent surgery and chemo but it would have been impossible without the love and support of family and friends. And I know that not all of us who get the diagnosis make it.

Today I'm fit and healthy and looking forward - never back.

I had all sorts of ideas for the photo for today but in the end I just took a photo of a walk with Alfie near the Bike Centre in Swaledale where I spend so much of my time.

Because every day is somehow less ordinary...

Social Climber

2010-08-22T14:43:00.001+01:00

Day 229 - Social Climber
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

Still doing well - keeping myself fit on the bike.

Just back from a week mountainbiking in the Pyrenees - this is me at the top of the Port de Bales hill climb - one of the ones they do in the Tour de France! :-)

Checking In

2010-07-05T09:39:00.001+01:00

Day 185: Apres Moi le Deluge...
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

Still doing well - really into my mountain biking now. As you can see - the rain doesn't put me off!

Hemlock!

2010-02-06T10:29:00.001Z

Day 30 - Hemlock!
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

Just checking in.

Still doing well - feeling a bit under the weather at the moment but that's just something fluey I think.

Really enjoying my Mountain Biking at the moment so I've just bought a rather lovely Cotic Hemlock, custom-built by the equally lovely people at Dales Bike Centre. ( Other photos here)

Here's to a great year of biking!

Colonoscopy

2009-12-05T13:00:00.002Z

I came back from a lovely holiday in the USA to an appointment letter for my next routine colonoscopy. So - yesterday was spent on the loo and Nil By Mouth and today I went in for it. All done kindly and gently but nonetheless always a bit nervewarcking.

They told me that all was clear and that my next one will be in three years which is just what any man of my age should have - irrespective of having previously had cancer.

I can't say I was expecting any other result - I've been feeling great - but given how life can sometimes kick you in the er... arse, it's still a relief.

While I'm updating - I've also just gone part-time at work. A bit more time to spend on photography, writing and of course, on the bike.

Once my bum's recovered of course....

Coast To Coast!

2009-10-27T15:19:00.001Z

Tynemouth!
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

Well - I'm still doing fine. My latest exploit was a sponsored cycle ride ( for Cancer Research...) from Whitehaven to Tynemouth - 150 miles in 3 days! Wet and cold and windy - but a real achievement and some great lads to ride with.

Think I'll have a bit of a sleep now... :-)

Great North Bike Ride!

2009-08-31T10:07:00.001+01:00

Journey's End!
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

Hi

Just to let you know I'm still doing well. I completed a 60 mile sponsored bike yesterday!

Hospital

2009-05-19T09:41:00.001+01:00

Intermission
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

I had a brief stay in hospital over the weekend with suspected appendicitis!

I'm out now, having narrowly avoided surgery due to :

* their unwillingness to operate on someone with my medical history unless they really needed to

* morphine ;;))

* and a promise to rest for a few days and take all of my antibiotics...

One positive thing to come out of it was that they also checked my CEA markers and they're still normal.

Fifty!

2009-02-17T11:22:00.001Z

Fifty!
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi is Fifty today!

It's good to feel that I only have to report in here occasionally now.

So - I made it to fifty! Many of us don't - I never forget that.

Lekhayim!

Another Year Ends...

2008-12-31T14:02:00.001Z

Day 366 - I Thank You...
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

...and I'm still healthy - if not so wealthy or wise....

Here's to 2009!

Weird Scenes Inside...

2008-12-08T14:36:00.002Z

Day 343 - Weird Scenes Inside...
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

Today is the third anniversary of me being told I had bowel cancer. I'm holding the original CT scan.

I might not have thought about it specifically today had I not also got a letter in the post from my consultant confirming that my latest test scores are all completely normal!

Check Up

2008-11-19T16:11:00.001Z

Day 324 - Pause for Thought.
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

I had my six monthly check up today - as you can see, I was a bit nervous beforehand...

But Mr Bain says he's "very pleased indeed" with my progress and will see me in a year's time for a colonoscopy..

*breathes sigh of relief*

The Red Bicycle

2008-10-26T12:03:00.001Z

Day 299 - The Red Bicycle
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

Seeing as running seems to be out due to my foot problem, I've decided to take up cycling to get fit!

Still doing well - next hospital check up in November.

Ouch!

2008-09-12T11:58:00.001+01:00

Day 256 - Ouch!
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

I went for a run earlier this week and it's caused the resurgence of my swollen toe. It was agony in the night. I went to the doc this morning and he says it's gout.

I'm not really surprised - I've had it in the past ( but not for a few years) and my brother gets it.

Doing Well

2008-08-29T19:15:00.001+01:00

Day 240 - Gimme Shelter
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

Just a quick post to let those of you who don't follow my Self Portrait Project that I'm doing well. Just back from a week in the Lake District.

This is me and Alfie at the top of Skiddaw - all 3053 feet of it!

Leroy Sievers

2008-08-16T16:49:00.002+01:00

Throughout the course of my illness, Leroy's blog was one of the things I often turned to.

Today came the news that he'd died.

I shall miss the humour and warmth of his daily posts.

Getting Fit Again

2008-08-10T13:07:00.001+01:00

Day 223 - The Water Carrier
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

This morning I completed my first 10k Run since before I was ill.

I was so pleased just to have finished.

Back to the Wall

2008-08-09T17:44:00.001+01:00

Day 222 - Back to the Wall
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

In late 2005 I was involved in an amazing flickr project, the Flickrwall in Newcastle. (You can see my contribution here.)

It was also the time that I discovered I had cancer and so I always associate it with a lifechanging time. I also met some great people who I'm pleased to still call friends.

Some young film-makers from Northern Stars got in touch with some us recently as they're doing a video about the wall and the people who were involved in it.

After they had finished the interview, they were kind enough to be in today's SP.

( This being-interviewed thing is getting to be a habit...)

Happy Birthday Mum!

2008-06-30T20:30:00.001+01:00

Day 181 - Happy Birthday Mum!
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

Mum would have been 70 this weekend.

We got all her friends together and gave her the party she would have wanted with entertainment from Fred Wedlock. Although we missed her, it was a great day.

Result

2008-06-05T21:16:00.001+01:00

Result
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

This is special.

It took no time to do it - but he knows that two years out, it matters.

Thank you Mr B.

Post - Cancer Tiredness

2008-05-26T08:44:00.002+01:00

Interesting article here.

I've always thought how lucky I was to be working from home when I went back to work after my surgery and how exhausted I was during chemotherapy. I don't know where I'd have been without my naps!

Not sure what the excuse is now ;)

Check Up

2008-05-21T15:32:00.003+01:00

Day 142 - Check Up
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

Today I had to go for my 6 monthly check up and blood tests. No wonder I look a bit nervous!

Mr Bain says he's very pleased with my progress and all my test results are "boringly normal"..

Phew.

Sunny Sunday

2008-05-11T13:29:00.001+01:00

Day 132 - Commoner
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

I've been working from home for the last week and it's coincided with some lovely weather. It's meant a chance to get out into the backyard of the new house and get it sorted . Rather a lot of boxes inside still though :)

Have started the gym regularly now and already starting to feel the benefits - just really in a sense of well-being.

Hope I can carry that through into next week when I have to be away with work!

Blood Pressure Update

2008-05-03T16:58:00.002+01:00

I know that a few people were concerned about my last posting about my blood pressure.

I went to see the doctor this week for a medical for health insurance and so of course my BP was checked then. Even doing Best of Three for me, it was still quite high - but lower than it had been at the gym. But he checked things like intraocular pressure and resting heart rate and those are all fine. They took some blood to test as well.

Anyway he said he was fine to sign the form for me to start at the gym and said to get my BP checked there regularly. I'm to go back to the doc if it stays high.

I'm so pleased about the gym though - I really wanted to get started there and it would have been so depressing if I couldn't. And it must have a positive effect on my BP anyway, mustn't it?

As to the cause, well, all I can think of is the stress of moving, residual worry about getting the old house sold and work being quite tough at the moment. I'm certainly still eating sensibly most of the time and although I enjoy my glasses of wine in the evening, it's not excessive.

I might start up meditation again though - that should help.

Settling In

2008-04-27T13:44:00.002+01:00

I'm just over a week in the new house now and I must say I'm really enjoying it! The house and I are taking some time to get to know each other before I make huge decisions about what goes where - but the basics are sorted: Kitchen. Bedroom. Internet. Office. Alfie. ( Alfie - after a fashion. We're having a huge battle about where he sleeps at the moment. He's winning...)

I joined a gym last weekend and went for my fitness assessment yesterday. The reassuring stuff was that I'm only about a stone over what I should be ( I thought it was a lot more than that) and my resting heart rate is good.

The downside was that my blood pressure is sky high! I'm really surprised by that. Throughout my illness, my BP always returned to a very normal normal no matter what they did to me. However, about a month ago the nurse at the surgery took my BP and it was up - but when I went last week, it was back to normal. Maybe it's just the stress of the move?

Anyway the upshot is that the gym say that I can't start my programme until I get a note from doctor saying it's OK. Something to get sorted this week.

Moving On

2008-04-15T21:37:00.003+01:00

So.

Just about my last night in this house. Tomorrow I'm in Birmingham and then on Thursday the removers come to pack me up. On Friday everything ends up the new house. Hopefully.

Alfie's left already - to the kennels and back to our new home at the weekend.

I've been happy in this house mostly. It's been the first I've owned on my own. And the first one I've chosen. J and I have had so many happy laughing times here.

But it's also the one where I discovered I was ill and where I spent uncomfortable ( and sometimes traumatic) months recovering.

And it's the last house of mine my mum ever saw - that makes me very sad. I recall how she struggled the last time she was here.

All in all mixed feelings about leaving then. But I feel good about the new place. It feels light and spacious and open.

I hope to match its mood from now on.

Key to the door!

2008-04-07T23:57:00.001+01:00

Day 98 - The Key!
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

It finally happened! I own the new house in Darlington - and it's lovely!

I move next week so will spend the next few days acciimatising...

Pretty healthy at the moment apart from a chesty cough.

Stasis

2008-03-24T18:15:00.003Z

A bit of a static Easter weekend really. The snow made it hard to plan anything and it seemed like everytime Alfie and I stuck our noses out of the door down it came again! I'm also getting really irritated with the delay in getting the key to the new house ( hopefully two weeks today!) - I just feel that I can't do anything until that's sorted. My neck remains quite uncomfortable as well.

But I did catch up on a lot of sleep, ate well, had some good long walks with Alfie ( in spite of the snow) and had the usual fun doing my self portraits so it certainly wasn't a wasted weekend.

A Pain in the Neck

2008-03-21T10:47:00.001Z

Day 80 - A Pain in the Neck
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

I'm going into Easter Weekend with a really sore neck! I've no idea how I did it - I just woke up on Thursday morning with it. Even a massage last night hasn't really sorted it. A shame as I was going to spend some of the weekend tidying and sorting for my move - which still ( touch wood) looks like it's going ahead in about three weeks' time.

But apart from that, I'm fairly well - still worried about my weight but don't think I can focus on that till I move - and my blood pressure is ( unusually) a bit high. ( Any connection ? - ed)

But I'll sort all that.

Hope you all have a restful and peaceful weekend.

Noob No More! *

2008-03-11T10:54:00.001Z

Day 71 - Noob No More!
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

You may remember that one of my New Year's resolutions was to get my World of Warcraft character to Level 70.

I finally did it last night!

* No Longer a Beginner!

March already!

2008-03-02T10:06:00.001Z

Day 61 - Daffodil!
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

So - another month begins.

My health is still good but I have put on some weight. Need to do something about that but I think it'll get easier as the days lengthen and warm.

The house buying saga is still dragging on. We won't be completing on March 14th now - something further on down the chain has slowed things down and April 7 is the best guess at the moment. Irritating but little I can do about it.

( Ed: You're obviously in a more zen mood this morning! Last night you were all for reducing the offer and evicting the vendor...)

Happy Mothering Sunday!

Mum

2008-02-24T16:12:00.001Z

Day 55 - Mum
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

I'm not able to be there for Mothering Sunday next week, so when I was over seeing my brothers this weekend I called in to see her.

Forty Nine!

2008-02-18T10:22:00.002Z

Day 48 - Forty Nine!
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

Just back from a lovely birthday weekend with J.

Saturday night at M and G's Joint 50th Birthday Party - great to see loads of old piping friends. Then on Sunday to Alnwick Garden and then on to Warkworth ( such a contrast from when I was there two years ago!).

And in the evening, a meal out in Darlington with J and D.

Thanks to everyone for all your cards and presents and flowers!

Internet Following

2008-02-14T12:36:00.002Z

I love this! Courtesy of The New Yorker via The Flog.

One Dog and His Man

2008-02-10T11:35:00.001Z

Day 41 - One Man and His Dog
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

I've had Alfie for a year today. I remember the moment I brought him home from the Dog Rescue place.. We just sat and stared at each other.

We still do....

The house purchase is grinding forward in spite of the best efforts of my solicitor to make everything take twice as long as it needs. ( This week's classic was a letter in reply to an email from me...) The vendor and I are aiming for a completion date of 14 March. ( Hope it's not a day later... -ed)

Still busy at work and had a quite a lot of trouble with my back this week. It's been quite sore. Too much stressed hunching over a computer I think!

Civic Welcome

2008-02-10T10:57:00.001Z

Darlington weatherman
Originally uploaded by Pickersgill Reef

My move to Darlington had better go ahead now.

The Civic Welcome has already been prepared...

( Many thanks to Pickersgill Reef for this.)

Every Day Is Like Sunday...

2008-02-03T19:14:00.000Z

I always look forward to weeks when I'm working at home. But by about Wednesday things start to drag- no matter how busy I am and I begin to wish I was away again! This week was no exception - I think I've just done this sort of job for too long.

I've also not quite felt 100% all week - nothing too serious - just a bit fluey and queasy. ( It's poor J who's been really ill with whatever this bug is that's going around.)

The house buying/selling palaver has trundled on as well - I think we've moved forward and I may even ( fingers crossed) have a buyer for this place. But still no completion date.

But the highlight of the week was definitely seeing Morrissey at the Sunderland Empire on Friday. He was superb. Such shame that J was too ill to go.

I'm away on Tuesday and Wednesday this week.

That'll teach me...

Gearing Up

2008-01-27T14:54:00.000Z

As well as a trip to Holland with work this week, things have really started picking up on the new house purchase. What that actually means is that:

the vendor and I are bickering over Central Heating Service Contract
my dampness surveyor had to cancel because he had a bad chest...
everyone tells me that completion will be Very Soon but no-one can tell me When
I remembered how completely baffled I am over what it is exactly that solicitors do for the huge fees they demand.

Oh - and after no interest at all in my current property for three months, I had someone come and look at the weekend. And I also got a laughably low offer from a couple who viewed in September. No way...

ho hum

However, the highlight of the week was definitely going over with J to a local studio to record some of her poems. Maybe we'll use them to go with videos or to post online - or maybe even a CD to sell at readings?

Second Anniversary

2008-01-24T15:43:00.000Z

I had my major cancer surgery two years ago today

It always seems important to commemorate these things. On the fifth anniversary I'll be able to forget about it....

Queasy

2008-01-20T11:45:00.000Z

It's been a busy week at work and with a work trip to Holland next week, it's going to be even busier.

Things with the new house are moving forward - surveys look like they're OK and the mortgage has been agreed. But I doubt I'll be moving in before the end of February. No buyer interest in my current house so I'm going to move to the new one and then try to sell this one empty in the spring.

I've not felt too well most of the week - tummy's been upset and I've spent a lot of the time feeling queasy. I'm sure it's nothing too serious. ( I did of course, check that I didn't have any of the symptoms of Norovirus. I don't.) Probably the delayed results of Christmas overindulgence.

I'll just have to eat and drink sensibly in Holland....

Looking at Myself

2008-01-13T14:15:00.000Z

Seems like I've spent the whole week looking at myself! Project 366 is going well but it can easily take over everything. On top of that it's been a really busy first week back at work - by Friday afternoon I finally remembered what I do for a living...

J came over last night and we had a nice evening in cooking supper and watching a DVD.

Will try to have a more interesting update next time - but heh, it is January!

Twelfth Night

2008-01-06T12:03:00.000Z

...and I've just taken my tree and decorations down for another year. Next year in the new house eh?

Back to work tomorrow after a nice break so I'm inevitably feeling a bit low - but it's a nice sunny day out there (the snow left as quickly as it arrived) - so I'll take Alfie out in a while. He goes back to the kennels on Tuesday as I'm then away for the rest of the week.

Healthwise I go into the new year OK - the col/flu thing I had is almost gone. The richness of Christmas food has made my tummy play up a bit and the daily exercise is making me a bit sore but all that will pass I'm sure.

Project 366 : Day 2 - Mugshot

2008-01-02T12:02:00.001Z

Day 2 - Mugshot
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

You can see each day's photo in the sidebar now.

If you want to, that is....

Happy New Year!

2008-01-01T00:36:00.001Z

Day 1
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

Health Wealth Happiness to all of us!

New Year's Eve...

2007-12-31T10:04:00.000Z

...and time to think about my New Year Resolutions.

1) Lose weight ( I decided that last year too - and have put on half a stone since then...)

2) Get fit again. ( With a specific goal in mind)

3) Reach Level 70 on World of Warcraft. ( Decide what to do then once the new expansion comes out)

4) Investigate becoming a Cancer Voice. ( The only C - related resolution )

and finally

5) Take and post a self-portrait every day for a year. ( Sosij has been my inspiration for this)

There are others - but they're just for me.

Pre New year Post

2007-12-30T11:53:00.000Z

I've been a bit low for the last few days. Mostly I think it's been this horrible cold I've had - hot sweaty sleepless nights and coughing days. I'm feeling better but I'm still going to take it easy today - just venture out with Alfie when needs must.

But it's also the time of year - one year ends and another begins etc - I sort of feel stuck in the middle at the moment. For me a lot of 2007 has felt sluggish ( I may name it Year of the Slug..) while I recovered healthwise - and that was right, I needed that time. But now I need to get on, to push myself a bit.

But it was also the year I lost my mum and that still hurts a lot.

Post Christmas Post

2007-12-28T12:10:00.000Z

Christmas began with J's party last Friday. A great night with much alcohol consumed - and the Most Awful Hangover the next morning when I drove 300 miles to spend a lovely Christmas with my brother A and his family - Christmas Day is definitely better with small children around! We also popped over to Bristol to see the rest of the family. ( Mum was there in spirit I'm sure...).

Then I drove back up home on Boxing Day to meet J for our own Christmas which was wonderful. The last one in this house too...

And now - Alfie is out of the kennels - I've another week off work and - I've come down with a really sore throat cough and cold! Still feeling horrible today and so I'm staying in instead of going out to see friends as I'd hoped. Ah well - it's probably just nature's way of telling me I need a rest!

At least the telly's good...

Merry Christmas and a happy healthy new year!!

2007-12-15T13:55:00.001Z

Happy Christmas!
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

Instead of sending christmas cards this year, I'm making a donation to Beating Bowel Cancer. I'd be delighted if you wanted to do the same.

xx

Party Animal

2007-12-14T11:48:00.000Z

With L - at London Office Party Tuesday.

With M and K last night

With former colleagues on Wednesday night.

Think I'll stay in tonight!

Made It!

2007-12-09T14:43:00.000Z

Blimey! It's been a busy weekend! I took the day off on Friday and got all my Christmas Shopping done in Newcastle. ( and a new suit for yourself - ed) Then out with friends in the evening on The Curry Train before staying over in Newcastle.

On Saturday I got the train to London ( sad to see the end of GNER) so I could see one of my favourite bands The Mountain Goats play live at the Union Chapel in Islington. They were superb! And best of all they played "I'm going to make it through this year", the song that has been one of the anthems of my illness - and on the second anniversary of being told I had cancer too.

I thought about me and J in that little room with my consultant. Not sure how I feel about that now - it's like it's a dream I had once.

I left the hotel fairly early on Sunday morning and now I'm home again and contemplating my week to come :(

Launches...

2007-12-02T11:55:00.001Z

...in Middlesbrough, Stockton, London and tonight in Newcastle.

It's been a busy week!

Another Anniversary!

2007-12-01T14:43:00.000Z

The blog is two years old today! Odd to look back at last year's posting. I was recently out of hospital and of course, mum was still alive - though there were hints of her illness in what I wrote. I remember that day - a year on I'm so much better!

Just back from an overnight trip to Doncaster to see R&C - the Christmas Present exchange as they'll be away in Spain then. Lovely to see them.

Hopefully J over later ( another reading tomorrow night - that's four this week!) but in the meantime I'd better do some Christmas planning...

Among The Stars

2007-11-27T15:50:00.001Z

Liz, Jenny and Moi
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

On Monday night in London I went with two of my colleagues to the National Star Awards where we were one of the sponsors.

The trick is to make it look easy...

Roker Beach

2007-11-25T15:32:00.001Z

A blowy cold afternoon but we had a nice run on the beach. Now to settle into Sunday evening.

Saturday Afternoon...

2007-11-24T15:04:00.000Z

..and I'm trying to take it easy. J is away with the girls and Alfie and I have just been for a very long walk. The afternoon is dimming into evening already and I think I'll batten down the hatches, watch a film and cook myself a nice supper later.

Feeling pretty good healthwise but not looking forward to the next four weeks - loads of travelling with work. ( and a few Christmas parties... - ed) Monday is London and then back Tuesday for J's first two poetry launch events.

Routine

2007-11-21T12:48:00.000Z

I had my six monthly check up this morning. All very routine - I didn't even see my consultant. All seems fine to them - I can def start exercise again and the back pain is nothing to worry about. Had the usual blood test for CEA Markers - no news in a fortnight will be good news.

As I say, all very routine.

But I still burst into tears in the car afterwards.

Weeping For The Lovely Phantoms

2007-11-17T11:54:00.000Z

J's poetry collection is finally published!

One of the dedications reads: " In Memory of Jean Stacey 1938 - 2007 "

My mum.

Is it Friday Yet..?

2007-11-09T11:13:00.000Z

Hey! I think it might be!

Another very long week workwise - but not without its pleasures. I'm very glad to be home though - and so is Alfie. J is coming over tonight - for the whole weekend! We need to get her poetry videos finalised.

My tummy has been much better this week - maybe just a bit more exercise and sensible eating (and drinking) has helped?

Oh - and my offer on the house in Darlington has been accepted! ( Now all you need to do is sell yours - ed) I can't wait to show you all - but for the time being, I'm far too superstitious...

Making Connections

2007-11-07T07:13:00.000Z

On the early train to London this morning I looked at the date. November 7th. Significant in some way. Then I remembered. I had my reconnection a year ago today.

Not sure how one celebrates such things...
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Where is the time going?

2007-11-05T09:53:00.000Z

Because of a very late finish with work on Friday night, the weekend seems to have gone very quickly indeed. But I still had a good time - J was over most of the weekend while we worked on videos to go with her new poetry collection which is out very soon. Great fun - but as with all technical/creative stuff, occasionally very frustrating! It was good to relax and go out for a meal to celebrate her brother in law's birthday on Saturday.

On Sunday we went to look at another house in Darlington - in the same street as the one I really like. It was nice but not AS nice. I think it may just be time to put an offer in and see what happens...

My tummy is still a bit sore but I may have got to the er... bottom of it (enough! - ed) - typically not from a doctor. I had my massage last week with The Other J and she thinks that it's just that my tummy muscles have become so weak that my pelvis is tilting forward and putting extra pressure. It makes sense to me - and apparently a similar thing happens in pregnancy. So - lots of gentle tummy exercise for me and we'll see what happens.

Frantic

2007-11-01T14:22:00.000Z

It's feeling like such a frantic week with work that I don't seem to have time to stop and do anything properly, let alone blog. ( And apologies to those whom I owe a call or an email! )

But - I'm OK. My tummy seems to have eased the last few days - it's almost like the running around helps it. As long as I keep the bags light and the eating regular. and er..follow medical advice.. ;)

More at the weekend I hope.

Sorting

2007-10-28T21:57:00.000Z

I'm just back after an overnight trip down to Hereford to help my brothers and G sort some of my mum's stuff . It's something that none of us were looking forward to but we knew it had to be done.

O & A and I had a nice night in the pub on Saturday talking a bit about the future and mum's house ( which we now own) and a lot about the past - but all in a very relaxed way. It was a good night.

The clearing today was hard ( mostly clothes and papers) but we kept each other going and by mid afternoon we'd done enough to be satisfied. We also turned up some fascinating family stuff - like my great uncle's First War call up papers - and SO many photographs that O's new scanner may burn out!

( Go on - tell them that as a result of all the family tree investigations everyone's pretty sure you were the first member of your whole family to ever go to university - ed)

My tummy is still very sore - the tablets that the doc gave me have just upset it without really helping with the discomfort. Not sure what to do about that. It won't stop me travelling away with work this week but it won't make it easy.

Oh - and the shortlist of two possible houses for me has halved as a result of J and I having another look on Friday evening. But more on that in due course...

Doctor

2007-10-24T11:08:00.001+01:00

I went to see my GP this morning about my stomach pains. He checked everything and said that it all seemed OK to him - and, as far as he could tell, the hernia repair was still fine. He puts it down to things still settling down after the last op. I'm not sure what that means really but I think I'm reassured.

Finbar...

2007-10-21T16:04:00.001+01:00

...is my former father-in-law's nickname. Mainly because his musical hero is Finbar Furey. Last night I took Finbar to see er.. Finbar in Newcastle. We had a great night.

Healthwise I thought I had another bout of flu coming on on Friday night but a long sleep seemed to sort it. I also have quite a lot of soreness in my tummy at the moment - like I've pulled a muscle or something? But it's not the hernia as such. Am going to try to take it easy this week - I don't need to be away.

( So far - ed)

Unlucky for some...

2007-10-17T10:25:00.001+01:00

Unlucky for some...
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

Well - in spite of being allocated this hotel room in Birmingham, I lived to tell the tale....

A Relaxing Weekend ...

2007-10-14T12:04:00.001+01:00

...but I may be playing World of Warcraft too much...

(Courtesy of South Park )

Do Ya Wanna Touch...

2007-10-14T11:20:00.001+01:00

iTouch
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

I've just finished a week working at home and to be honest, it'll be nice to be back on the road next week! I was actually quite bored by Friday - and I think Alfie was as well. I've just spent too many years travelling and it's just part of my lifestyle now.

But the week had a number of highlights, not least of all, a briliant gig by Mary Gauthier on Tuesday - but also my first full session at the gym in eighteeen months. I was a bit sore afterwards, but all manageable.

And then of course there's my new toy...

(Of course, when you get your new house, all this will have to stop - ed)

Kith and Kin

2007-10-07T10:10:00.001+01:00

Well I suppose it's fairly obvious in psychological terms I suppose. Mother dies and sons, one by one, catch the Family Tree bug. The great thing is that my brother O has made contact with various branches of the family who have all done work on this and there's a story that already goes back to 1700.

This picture is from about 1910 and the youg woman in the back row far left is my grandmother Dorothy.

Meanwhile back in the present - I've just about recovered from my flu now and am settling down to a quiet Sunday at home. It's been gloriously sunny the last few days - today it's misty and dull.

Up Too Late On A Thursday Night

2007-10-04T23:31:00.001+01:00

Too Late On A Thursday Night
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

I should be in bed....

Skitch!

2007-10-04T11:19:00.001+01:00

In a gloriously Web 2.0 self-referential moment I get to show off Skitch. What a great application!

( Feeling better then..? - ed)

Early to bed and...

2007-10-02T12:09:00.001+01:00

..early to rise. If you're away from home and you suddenly come down with flu that is.

I felt fine when I got up on Monday morning but by the time I got to my first meeting in Coventry I felt grim. I tried sleeping it off last night but even 10 hours of solid sleep didn't sort it. So this morning I've got the train home and will call it quits for the day. They can manage without me.

(Of course you don't actually believe that - ed)

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Work Hard Play Hard

2007-09-30T11:50:00.000+01:00

I know a few friends are concerned that I'm working too hard - but honestly I'm fine. Yes I do a stressful job but I actually wouldn't have it any other way - I have a low boredom threshold. And it is really great to just feel healthy again!

I am away for a two days tomorrow - but then ( touch wood) I'm home for about 10 days.

But the week hasn't all been work. On Monday night my friend C and I went to see The Alabama Three in Newcastle. A brilliant gig - they are so good live!

And on Friday I went down to J's ( looked at another house - and one on Saturday too - still nothing to really beat the one we saw last week though) and had a really nice meal with her daughter B and B's boyfriend S. B was here to pick up my old car from me - which she did on Saturday. I was sorry to see it go - but I know it's in good hands - and I do have the new one...

And today the sun is shining! Am going to pay a few bills online and then take Alfie out for a long walk.

The First Day of Autumn

2007-09-23T10:40:00.000+01:00

Or so my calendar tells me. It's beginning to feel like it too - a gloomy will-it won't-it rain sort of Sunday morning here - and a few leaves are falling. Even put my central heating on last night...

Updates - health. Good - am about to start back at the gym this afternoon ( another indoor pursuit for the autumn). I thought I'd poppped my hernia again on Tuesday this week, reaching down to pick up something off the floor of the train, but it just ached for a few hours and all was well. Phew!

House buying/selling: OK. One couple round to look at mine last week - hard to tell if they were interested really. But that's part of the game isn't it? J and I looked at a lovely house in Darlington on Friday night - and I'm very tempted - but I know I need to look at more than the two I've looked at so far!

Work: Feeling inexorable at the moment. It's symptomatic that I am really excited to discover that in mid-October I may have a whole week when I don't have to be away! Alfie will be pleased.

Pirate

2007-09-19T23:45:00.001+01:00

Pirate Day
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi Arr!

My guess is that this was taken in the mid-eighties - me aged 26? But I'm open to guesses cos I certainly don't remember! The Parrot looks friendly - if deflated...

(And its owner -ed)

London Boys

2007-09-16T17:11:00.000+01:00

We had a great time! The gig was brilliant and it was really nice to spend some time with O.

You can see the photos here and the vidclips here. For now, I've got the ironing to do and the house to tidy - my first house-viewer is coming round tomorrow!

Getting It On

2007-09-13T15:38:00.000+01:00

The long work days continue - but my health stays remarkably good.

Apart from that, I'm going to look at a house in Darlington on Friday and on Saturday my brother O and I are meeting up in London to reminisce. Strangely we can't get anyone else to come with us...

Another Sunday Morning Posting

2007-09-09T10:36:00.001+01:00

...and where has the last week gone?! An absolutely exhausting first week back at work and I don't think that the next one will be much better - it starts in Birmingham on Monday morning. One bright spot of Monday is that J is working down in Birmingham too so we'll get to meet up in the evening.

I've been so busy that I've hardly had any time to go out in the new car at all. And the house is now up for sale so I suppose I'd better start looking for a new one eh?

Still feeling remarkable healthy - it must be all that Lake District and Cornwall air!

Back to work....

2007-09-05T07:30:00.000+01:00

....and I began the third of three very long days two hours ago. It's going to be like this for the rest of the week - and maybe into the weekend. I knew I was going to be coming back to a whole lot of stuff but I sorta forgot ( the rose-coloured specs of impending holiday..) how much. Ah well - at least I'm working at home today and for the rest of the week. London yesterday was stressful to say the least.

I've got the estate agent coming round later. I've decided to put my house on the market. I feel it's time for a move. Not sure where yet. Durham City or Darlington probably.

Oh - and because someway this blog is supposed to be about my health - don't worry, I'm eating well, drinking no alcohol and sleeping like a log. Even my tummy is behaving ityself!

Time and Tide

2007-09-02T16:59:00.001+01:00

This is the video that was too big to post while I was away. Taken from the flat in Cornwall. ( You need to watch it to the end - ed).

Dedicated to my friend D who was watching the same moon eclipse from Kentucky. Not sure if hers was a Blue one...

Sunday Morning Coming Down

2007-09-02T11:15:00.000+01:00

Ah well - holidays over for a while. But I had a great time. And so did Alfie.

I'm just spending Sunday quietly - I'll just take Alfie out for a walk later. Working from home tomorrow so will try to ease myself in. And I'm picking up the new car in the evening!

Chilling

2007-08-30T13:42:00.000+01:00

After a really nice day out to Fowey yesterday Alfie and I are taking it easy today - the last full day of our Cornwall holiday. Earlier we walked over to Kingsand for a Cornish Cream Tea ( the coffee kind...) and this evening I'm booked in at the local restaurant where I had such a great meal last year.

I feel really relaxed after this holiday - and a lot fitter - in spite of all the eating!

Wednesday

2007-08-29T09:41:00.000+01:00

The internet connection here in Cornwall is a bit flakey so after a frustrating hour yesterday trying to upload from the Macbook I thought I'd do it this way.

I'm having a lovely relaxing time here - long hot sunny days - gentle walks - and big dinners! Off to see my friend G in a while - leaving Alfie Home Alone in the flat. I've left Morrissey on the stereo for him - that should keep him subdued...

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

( Editor's Note: Actually Alfie howled the place down on discovering he was to be left. So he joined us for the day...)

Cornwall Calling

2007-08-26T18:57:00.000+01:00

Well - Alfie and I finally got here a few hours ago. A lovely sunny afternoon has turned into a fine evening and I think we're going to sit out here on the balcony and watch the sun go down.

( I see that the mobile modem gives you a reasonable internet connection too - ed )

Lilac Ties

2007-08-23T17:55:00.001+01:00

Mum would have so loved this picture - taken on the day of her funeral.

Looking Back...

2007-08-22T19:05:00.001+01:00

Looking towards Ullswater
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

...we had a great time - as the photos and vidclips will attest. I stupidly did too much at the beginning but I picked myself up and was more sensible after that. As result I've returned home fitter, heathier and even happier.

A few days at home now and then on Friday Alfie and I are going down to mum and G's flat in Cornwall for the last week of my holiday. Some readers may recall that I went there last year and had a great time in spite of chemo and bag. I feel so much better this year. The flat will make me think of mum ( but doesn't everything ? - ed) but she was so happy there that I think I'll be smiling. Mostly.

If the boot fits....

2007-08-18T16:27:00.005+01:00

Hi - from a wet Lake District on a v-e-r-y s-l-o-w internet connection.

I really did too much yesterday. Two 7 mile walks on the fells ( one of them with 1700 feet of ascent - and of course, descent...) was pushing it. Today I ache all over - but, reassuringly, not on any of my operation sites - I just did too much.

But one thing I did realise yesterday was that I needed to replace my boots. They've done good service but really dug into my heels and hurt the balls of my feet when I was out yesterday. (No blisters, thank goodness.)

So today I drove out in the rain to Glenridding ( Alfie groaning that we might be having to climb another ridge...) and limped into Catstycam where they were incredibly helpful and spent a good hour finding exactly the right boots for my very wide feet.

So - I'm spending the rest of the day at the hotel taking it easy ( a nice bottle of wine beckons this evening I think... ) and tomorrow I'll give the new boots a gentle tryout.

One Man and His Dog

2007-08-16T09:55:00.000+01:00

Well - after a three day preparation regime (no alcohol, simple food and a four mile walk each day) Alfie and I are ready. We're off to the Lake District for five days of the outdoor life. ( Do you mean this? - ed ) If the weather doesn't send us scuttling back that is...

Back Tuesday.

One Man and His Car

2007-08-14T16:19:00.000+01:00

I finally did it! After nearly a year of humming and hahing about it, I ordered a new Vauxhall Meriva today. I'll pick it up at the beginning of September. Plenty of boot space for Alfie...

All Clear

2007-08-13T13:27:00.000+01:00

I had my colonoscopy this morning and it's all clear - no polyps, nothing. Great news eh? Mr Bain will see me again in three months. He also said I can start running and going to the gym again.

But that's for later in the week.

Now I'm going for a nap....

The 'Fleet's in...

2007-08-12T10:30:00.000+01:00

...in this case, CitraFleet. It's like Picolax.

Yes - it's that time again. I've got my first post op routine colonoscopy tomorrow so I'm staying close to home today. Need to be fleet of foot.... (Stop it! - ed)

It's not a good way to start the first week of my holiday but it has to be done. J is going to come in with me. Of course, I'm concerned about it but I'm still so raw from mum's death that it's hard to tell what's what emotionally.

Tribute

2007-08-11T13:05:00.000+01:00

This is the wonderful tribute that my brother Owen gave for mum at her funeral on Tuesday. I've posted it here for those friends who weren't able to be there with us:

Whilst this is probably the saddest time I have ever known in my life, I felt compelled to stand up and say something today. Perhaps I should have just let this very sad day wash over me but I can feel mum behind me saying – ‘Go on, it will be OK.’ I’ll do my best to keep it together.

Today I want to pay tribute to the kindest, warmest, most loving person that I will ever know.

I’m very proud of my mum. I get all my best qualities from her. She touched the hearts of so many people. She believed that you should be good and kind and generous and look after one another. She believed that you should see the best in people and she reached out to everybody in the same way, with love, humanity, compassion and boundless energy.

Her faith was devout and strong and she knew that she was here to be a channel of God’s love on earth. Like her, I have an unshakable faith that she is in a much better place now. I feel sure that they will get Radio 4 there! She would have wanted her funeral to be in this church where she attended the 8 o’clock service until she was too ill to come. She still had communion at home right up to the end of her life. This church was also where mum and George got married and the photo in the Order of Service is from that very happy and special day in her life. We are very grateful to Walter for taking the service today as he did on that day too.

My mum could have had a simple straightforward life but that was not her way. She would not have been so strong in her faith and so loving a person if she had not seen life’s difficulties. Her life was a lesson in overcoming adversity and proving that, if you kept on believing and loving, you could have a happy ending. She knew this herself too – there’s a notice in her study which reads – ‘you’re never too old to have a happy childhood.’ Mum’s father died before she was born and her mother sadly passed away when she was a young girl. Mum was a fiercely proud woman and she would not want me to talk publicly about the traumas of her personal life but suffice to say her faith and her immense strength of character saw her through the darkest of times.

Her choice of careers reflected her personality. At first she was a nurse in Salisbury. After she’d raised us three boys, she went back to college and qualified as a teacher. Never wanting to take the easy road, she taught in a pretty difficult school – it’s a bit disconcerting when your mum comes home and says she was threatened with a knife today. In the end she taught at Frenchay and combined both careers as a teacher at the Hospital School. She was very happy there and really felt that she had made a difference to those young lives albeit for a sometimes short and traumatic time. She took a well-deserved early retirement at 50.

I’m glad she did, because it allowed her to indulge her new career of keeping in touch with people. It’s as though it became her new job to spread warmth, love and happiness. Only two days before she died she was still furiously scribbling letters to people. She was happy to use email, but she knew how good it was to receive a real letter. So many people I have spoken to have said – ‘but I was only on the phone to her last week’ or ‘I’ve just got a letter from her’ or ‘we called in last week’.

We often wondered why she would never rest and was always worrying and planning things. We used to tell her to relax but I think she knew she didn’t have long on this earth and she had to cram a lot in. One of the few joys at this difficult time has been realising just how many close friends she had – these were not just casual acquaintances, these were people who loved her deeply.

When I think of my mum, I think of the sacrifices she made when we were growing up. I remember odd things like her sleeping in the dining room at Filton Road so that we could each have a bedroom. When one son plays the guitar, the other the drums and the other is in to amateur radio, that’s probably a good idea anyway! She carted my drums to band practices in that old Morris Minor of hers without complaint. I’m sorry I never made it as a rock star mum, but there’s still time!

Her sacrifices were a lot to do with her desperately wanting us all to have a good education and I guess she was very proud of the way we all turned out. There was a section in her filing cabinet called ‘Famous Sons’ and it contained various snippets like newspaper cuttings. She would say to me – that’s a nice picture dear but I wish you wouldn’t have that spiky hair.

Most of all though, when I think of my mum I smile to myself. I think of the great times she had with her boating friends in Bristol after the three of us left home – driving around in her bright green Triumph Spitfire. All those powerboat parties! I think of her meeting George again after all those years. What a fantastic story that is! I think of their happy times together in their ten years of marriage, whether it was travelling the length and breadth of Britain on their narrow boat or holidays to far-flung places or doing housesitting for people or pottering about in the garden. More recently, the flat in Cornwall was somewhere beautiful for them to visit and relax. She doted on her grandsons, Nattie and Ben. She loved those boys in a joyful, wide-eyed way that only a grandmother can. She was never happier than when she was playing with them. I’ll never forget her excitement at seeing a photo of Nat in his new school uniform for the first time a few weeks ago.

I think of her funny little ways – furiously circling things in the Radio Times that she wanted to watch or tape (but I don’t watch much television dear): her owl collection that Nattie like to rearrange for Grandma: the radio tuned to Radio 4 morning noon and night; eating cold chips from the fridge the morning after (a bad habit I have inherited). As I said, she would insist on seeing the best in the most difficult of people – something that used to infuriate me at times – but she was right and I was wrong.

The music today is something that we particularly shared mum would have wanted. There is no way that mum would have chosen any gloomy hymns – Lord of the Dance is mum to a tee – it sums up her faith and her approach to life. I first saw The Seekers in pantomime at Bristol Hippodrome when I was five. Apparently I was captivated by Judith Durham and her voice. Mum and I saw them at the NEC on their reunion tour. The two of us also watched Judith at the Hippodrome a few years ago from almost exactly the same seats as we had 40 years earlier. The song Colours of my Life reflects, for me, her life. They sing about shedding black and grey to take on red and blue and that is a perfect metaphor for her 69 years on this planet.

Shores of Avalon, at the end of the service, is quite poignant. When mum was in hospital at the end of June, she asked me to buy her a novel from the hospital shop – something light dear, not a thriller. She got most of the way through this Josephine Cox book, but it wasn’t until after she died that I realised that it was titled Journey’s End. I felt awful but then realised that perhaps it was just meant to be. I chose Shores of Avalon because it’s a beautiful song and then afterwards I realised that the last line of the song also talks of the journey’s end – but a journey’s end together.

I try not to think too much about her last couple of days, but how she dealt with her illness summed up her character. The last year since her diagnosis was very difficult. She showed such courage despite the agonies that come with a cancer in your spine and she rarely complained. She was still the same person – always warm and loving and anxious to know your news. During this time, George worked ceaselessly to look after her and make her comfortable. Nobody could have done more and loved her more than you George and I want to thank you publicly for that. Even when she was in hospital, one couldn’t suppress her zest for life. On the bedside table there was a card from Walter thanking her for her recent £100 donation to the African village with which this church has a connection. Even twelve hours before she died, she was getting me to introduce her to the woman in the opposite bed and apologising that she wasn’t well enough to have a chat. She was looking forward to visits from Nattie, from my Goddaughter Lucy and from Grace her latest adopted grandchild.

After mum died, we came back to the house. I went into the garden and there were hundreds of butterflies everywhere. Despite being in floods of tears, I knew that she was very close. Later on, Simon and Andy mentioned that they had noticed the same thing even though they were in a different part of the garden. A few days later I watched a video of her sitting in the garden chatting away to Simon and it helped to erase the memory of her last hours. Seeing her chatting away, worrying about whether I was going to get to Wembley to watch Rovers, cheered me up immensely and I felt I’d got my mum back.

That’s all I wanted to say. I really do hope that in these few words I have done justice to this wonderful, vibrant and caring woman. I am so proud to be her son. She was my inspiration and my guide and I have so much to thank her for. I loved her more than anybody could ever know.

Jean

2007-07-28T15:53:00.001+01:00

Mum and Natty
Originally uploaded by Menage a Moi

On Wednesday 25th July my darling mum Jean died in Hereford Hospital. She had been ill for the last year but we'd all hoped for so much more time.

We are all devastated. But also amazed - how could one person have so many close friends?

If any of those friends who knew her would like to get in touch with me off line then I can give you details of the arrangements for her funeral.

If any one would like to make a donation in her memory, then it would be wonderful if you were to make a contribution to either:

Cancer Research UK

or

The Macmillan Renton Appeal for Herefordshire

I'll be back here again when I can

Simon

Exhibition Down, Exhibition Up...

2007-07-22T11:41:00.001+01:00

Gallery Glue quivrs
Originally uploaded by grewlike

Ironically on the same weekend that S and I took our exhibition down, I heard that my photo that is part of the Quivr Quilt is showing in Newcastle. I hope to get up to see it this week. Funny how that image brings back so many memories...

A quiet weekend at home - getting ready for another hard week at work. ( Three weeks till I'm on holiday!) A nice Skype call with friend D in the States yesterday.

( Oh - and talking of the States, I suppose I really need to be thinking about who I hand over the reins of power to on August 13th...)

Haven't started at the gym yet - tummy still a bit sore. I think I'll wait until I see the doc in three weeks.